I’m sure that Thomas and all his friends are on something. I mean, whenever you see them, they have the same innane fixed grin on their faces – as demonstrated here by Percy whom I bumped into at the weekend. I bet they don’t even flinch when they hit a bluetit at 30mph on their branch line.

Mind you, if I was to be constantly told what to do by a Fat Controller who was clearly made out of plastic I think I’d need some strong narcotics to stop me going completely off the rails.