That tumble-drier should be relabelled.

It has three settings to choose from. These are:

1) Fragiles

2) Colours and Whites

3) Permenant Press

They shouldbe labelled

1) Occasionally blow cold air in and not dry your clothes at all

2) Occasionally blow a bit of warmish air in, and dry one sock, leaving the rest of the load soaking wet

3) Blow a constant stream of nuclear-powered boiling hot air in, evapourate all water within 45 seconds and then spend the remaining 59 minutes 15 seconds cooking your clothes using the built in grill, so that when you take them out your boxer-shorts actually snap in half, and your T-shirts are just the right size for a 2-month-old foetus.