So this is it. I’m on the train for my last trip back to Sheffield. In seven weeks, it’ll all be over (that is, apart from one exam and my graduation).
Just seven weeks. It’ll fly by. That’s kind of comforting, because I know that no matter how many things I have on my to do list for this final stint, in seven weeks, they won’t be on it any more.
The challenge is to stay motivated. It’s harder now than ever before as these past few weeks my mind has steadily marched ahead of me. It’s now looking towards the wedding, starting a new life with Twinkle, leaving the UK, working. What makes it a little more difficult is that no matter what my results this semester, my final degree classification is unlikely to change. If my calculations are correct, it’s either a 2:1, or a fail (I’m not prepared to bust a gut for an unlikely first).
I should hear next week one way or another whether I got the local government job in Japan. I know three of my friends have received job offers (congrats!), but I’m yet to hear a thing. The embassy tell me that they send them out over a period of a month, so it could be anytime. Whilst the interview went well, I was very honest about my feelings re. Twinkle and thus am not going to be the most desirable of candidates: fancy putting a relationship before a job!
[an hour or so later…]
It’s been a difficult last few days as I have battled with myself over this dissertation. With my interest in the topic (NGOs in Japan) having peaked about 2 months too soon it is now a real slog to get the words out. In fact, I gave up writing anything half-decent and resorted to just typing up what I knew, almost in spoken form. I know I’ll need to rewrite it all, but if I don’t get something down they’ll be no progress at all.
With this frustration has come late nights, tiredness, and a short temper. I’ve been snapping at my parents, which I’m sorry about. I feel very hypocritical, but at the same time appreciate that I wouldn’t be human if I was always able to live in harmony with my core beliefs. It’s just a shame I chose them as my victims.
On a slightly more upbeat note, I had a lovely evening last night. Went over to see some old school friends who I’ve remained pretty close to since leaving. We sat around, talked, ate a delicious supper, talked some more. I felt so happy. They are one of the nicest families I know. So kind, so easy to be with, so welcoming. It’s spending time with people like that really reinforce what a precious gift friendship is. What would we do without it?
Anyway, bus motion is making me feel a bit sick, so I’ll toddle along. Must get to sleep as soon as I get home, we have a meeting at 8am for our publishing business!
The hubby and I have been reading “The Individual and the Nature of Mass Events” by Jane Roberts and I was going to recommend it to you, but I see your plate is full. However, when things wrap up, I highly recommend it as it raises much food for thought about the nature of the world.
Regarding snapping at your parents, it’s a sad fact of life that we hurt the people who care about us the most because we trust that they will understand and forgive us for our bad behavior. Also, no one lives up to their ideals all the time. We all fail. Some of us fail a lot. It’s only important that you try and that your failures inspire you to try harder.
At least you see failure when you snap at people. Others only see their rationalizations and justifications for such behavior.
Thanks for your comment Shari. I’ve added the book to my wish list – I’ve been intrigued to learn more about Seth for some time (since last year following a previous comment of yours). That’s one thing I look forward to: time to read real physical books that don’t just focus upon Japan’s civil society.
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