In case you didn’t realise, *Twinkle* is the one in the cute white dress, and I’m the one dancing with her!
Thanks to Jessica for the video
In case you didn’t realise, *Twinkle* is the one in the cute white dress, and I’m the one dancing with her!
Thanks to Jessica for the video
Our guests really did get some fabulous shots – thank you!
Here’s a few that were uploaded by someone a few hours ago (let me know who you are and I’ll credit you – they are fabulous!)
The wedding website has now be updated to reflect the post-wedding reality of our present existence. Anyone interested in taking a peek can find it at www.twinkleandjoseph.net (with the name ‘twinkle’ being replaced with a name she uses in 1st life). The username is ‘guest’, the password ‘banana’.
So there we were. Married, with the church bells ringing. Very happy (I was then able to freely talk to *Twinkle* and tell her how gorgeous she looked).
The next 15 to 20 minutes were very surreal. There we were as a bride and groom, surrounded by about 80 people with cameras. These were friends and family who represented so many different aspects of our lives, all gathered in the same place. I was at a loss as to what to do, feeling concerned that I should be ‘doing something’, that I should be making sure everyone felt included. It was a hopeless task though, so after a bit I decided to stop trying to read everyone else’s thoughts / feelings / desires and just *be* with *Twinkle*.
That was such a happy car journey. Dream-like in its perfectness.
A few minutes later we were at Orcop Village Hall, location of the reception. The forecast rain had not come, and all on was track – let the party commence.
…oh, after a bit more surreality. Brother Stephen led the champagne toast (devil of a job to make it without electrocuting yourself), then there were calls for a speech. I’m not a big one for speeches at weddings, and have been known to do some pretty illegal and stupid things in the past to escape from them. Mind you, the speeches at Catherine and Stewart’s wedding the previous week had been really good, meaningful, and funny (and not too long!).
There was only one problem though: The notes I’d written for my speech were in my rucksack, and that was in the car …and the car was at the church a mile up the road!
*Twinkle* and I had been discussing a few ideas about what we might want to say – THANK YOU being the most important. Thank you to everyone who helped make it happen, thank you to everyone for coming, thankyou for everyone’s support of us as a couple. Really, we couldn’t have done it without you.
Then, perhaps a word or two about how me met (the gatecrashed sushi party), and how we decided to use one another for our studies (*Twinkle* using me as half of a case study for her Masters Dissertation on Intercultural couples, and me using her for speaking practice for my BA Japanese Studies degree).
Finally, a mention of how 2 years living in minute shoeboxes together and then 11 months apart (with 2 brief respites totalling 20 days) really helped us to test the relationship, and become more sure than ever that this was the right thing to do.
As *Twinkle* said, despite the distance and my lack of awareness of her everyday routine (and therefore ability to provide context-based advice), I was still the one that she first wanted to turn to, to share and discuss things with.
I felt the same.
There was also that feeling that we both had (and which still continues with us being parted once again), that feeling that we were together all along. We are with one another at all times – I can feel *Twinkle*s presence. She’s with me now here in Orcop at 10.11am as she goes about whatever she’s doing at 6.11pm in Tokyo.
It’s a first for me, to feel that for such a prolonged period of time.
Following my mini-speech, it was time for the cutting of the cake. When asked by mum what kind of cake we’d like I told her to use her imagination, and as you can see, she has a pretty wild imagination!
As is her style, she made two. A traditional fruit cake (covered in feathers), and a chocolate cake (covered in flying saucers). Both delicious, and both providing a good insight into how mad our family is.
We then had a couple of hours ‘free time’, partly to allow *Twinkle* to get changed into her wedding kimono, a beautiful family heirloom. I also changed into my organic fair trade cotton clothes, which felt much more *me* (should have sorted out my collar though).
When it came to food, we’d decided to make it a bring-and-share affair, and boy-oh-boy was that a good idea! Our guests brought the most delicious dishes, and lots of them (I was frequently made fun of that evening for having worried that there would not be enough to feed everyone).
Main courses and desserts, absolutely gorgeous. (*Twinkle and I ended up taking three huge bowls of desserts back to our honeymoon hotel too 🙂
It was after all the proper wedding things were over with that I was able to truly relax (I think had I not given up drinking last year I would have been completely plastered by this time). It was just a shame that I hadn’t brought my clone – so many people I wanted to talk to and so little time to do so!
It was so good to look around and see happy people everywhere. Groups of friends inter-mingling (“Oh good, good, so-and-so is talking to so-and-so, I knew they’d get on well!”). Some were outside on the grass, sitting on the straw bales, others were sitting at our beautifully decorated tables chatting and eating, or hanging out right by the buffet tables… hmmm, it was nice.
Later on the fantastically talented and very lovely members of Wiffeldy came on to play some lovely tunes …and then get us dancing with a ceilidh!
The morning of the wedding was pretty hectic. I’d had this idea that if I tried to prepare everything as far in advance as possible, there would be little to do on the day itself …but it didn’t quite turn out like that!
At 7.20am I was on my way to Hereford to do some shopping. Concerned that we wouldn’t have enough drinks, I’d decided to get a load from the local supermarket, to where they could be returned afterwards if we didn’t use them (although I’d forgotten that alcohol can only be sold after 8am – had to wait by the checkout with my trolley, watching the seconds tick by!).
That trip kind of set the pace for the rest of the morning. I think it was also demonstrative of how I was having problems letting go. Having spent so many weeks planning and organising, I was now finding it hard to trust that the details would sort themselves out. I wasn’t used to having so many people on hand willing to help, and still felt that if something needed to be done I should do it myself (not that I didn’t trust others, but rather because it was my ‘responsibility’ to make sure everything was OK).
In the face of this my brother Stephen did a fantastic job of ensuring that I breathed before the service. I was confined to my bedroom, forbidden from coming downstairs. I was to get dressed, and then sit on my bed and wait until it was time to go.
I more or less managed this, and the last hour or so before the service was actually pretty relaxing.
A memorable moment came at 2.30pm, half an hour before the ceremony was due to begin. I suddenly realised that I could hear the bells ringing at the church across the valley – they were ringing for us! That made me so happy… I thought of the difficulties I’d had in finding the bell-ringing team (in the end I located them through a wild Google search!) – it had definitely been worth it!
All suited up, we then made our way to the church in my little hire-car. *Twinkle* would be following later from the guest house with her father in the classic 1930s Alvis, owned by a neighbour of ours who had very kindly offered his services (and he did so against the odds too – only a few days earlier the gearbox had packed up; he’d put considerable effort into finding another in time so that he could drive us on the day).
I know it sounds silly (after all, I was the one that had sent the invites out) but it really was amazing. All these dear friends and family members, some of whom I’d not seen in ages, had come together for us. It was surreal in a way, and time and time again I found myself surprised and delighted by the faces that were there. The neighbours had come down to watch as well – these were the neighbours that had donated flowers from their gardens, given us cards and presents, leant us staplers for our order of service, dropped off hay bales for people to sit on, offered their homes for our friends from far away to stay in…
That’s why that despite the fact that I’ve not ‘lived’ here for 14 years it felt appropriate to hold the wedding in the valley. It was also an area that *Twinkle* was familiar with having visited here several times for little holidays. Looking back on the events of last week, I can see now that it was indeed a very good decision.
Yesterday, I was going through a list of people that had helped make it happen. Not counting those actually present at the wedding, I came up with over twenty local families that had played a vital part in ensuring that everything was in place. As mentioned above there was the car, the flowers, the accommodation, there was also parking at the church (in people’s driveways and also in a field of sheep), local B&B and camp site owners who had been so flexible, the church cleaning team, the chap who mowed his grass next door so people could park on the verge, the provision of an amp for the service, oh, and the Royal Air Force too – they did a low, slow fly past in a Hercules when we came out of the church!
It seemed everyone in the area knew about the wedding, and expressed their support and congratulations.
Naturally, we are both very grateful for the all of this support. …and it feels good, affirming my connections with the area before leaving the UK.
Anyway anyway, where were we? Ah yes, I’d arrived at the church.
Walking down the aisle to take my seat at the front I was again delighted to see yet more familiar faces – caw, this was all a bit exciting really! Everyone was here to share in our marriage commitment.
After a little wait, Mum #2 pressed the magic button, and Pachabel’s Canon filled the church – *Twinkle* had arrived. I didn’t turn around though, too nervous at first, but then I kept on hearing Louise urgently whispering in excited tones to Stephen, “Tell him to turn around! Turn around!”
And so I did.
I must admit I felt breathless when I saw *Twinkle* in her wedding dress. She was the most beautiful bride in the whole world ever, soooo beautiful (OK, so I may be biased). I wasn’t sure if I was going to cry or not, so looked away …but had to look back again. Caw blimey, this is quite a coup I thought. How on Earth did I manage this?
Having had the rehearsal not 20 hours beforehand, we were both pretty comfortable with our lines (although I’m told that we both said “till death us do part” backwards – not that we noticed!). It was good though, it felt very right to be making those promises. I know one or two members of the congregation raised their eyebrows at references to Father, Son and Holy Spirit (knowing that neither of us are active church-goers); they told us so afterwards as well. But as I have written before, I see these elements of church services as just another interpretation of broader spiritual ideas / truths / beliefs that are the very core of our existence, regardless of religious beliefs. ‘God’ ‘Love’ ‘Source’, no matter what your chosen label, it’s still referring to the same thing, and that’s the energy source from which we have come, and the energy source that connects *Twinkle* and I.
I was sooo happy when we were pronounced husband and wife! tee hee. What a happy moment. In fact the whole thing was rather happy.
I’m so glad we got married in that church too – it was the perfect setting, with its cute red carpet and sloping floors. Many people have commented on how much they enjoyed the service, and I must say, it really felt very right.
Mum #2 was in ambidextrous mode, and in addition to being our DJ, she read that lovely chapter from Corinthians on Love – she even did the last line in Japanese (and great pronunciation too!). My sister Emma, and *Twinkle*s friend Mariko from Osaka read from Gibran’s The Prophet (‘Valentine’), giving us the opportunity to think about what we were entering into.
As we signed the register with our witnesses Jess (my sister, with nephew Jamie in tow) and Xinxin (dear friend from Sheffield), so Ruth began to play her piano and sing Al Green’s ‘Let’s Stay Together’. She has such a great voice, just beautiful. Added so much to the atmosphere. Thank you Ruth.
And with that, we were married 🙂
In the end, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
6 months apart, followed by 9 days together, then the wedding.
It seems to have been a good combination. I recommend it.
I’ve been thinking about this feeling I (we) have, this ‘being married’ feeling, and wondering how much it is a result of our time apart, and how much it is a result of the wedding itself. My conclusion is that I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter anyway. The feeling is all that matters.
I’m quite surprised by how different, and how good, it does feel. I didn’t really expect things to be very different. I mean, all we’ve done is say a few words and sign a piece of paper, right? – That was the kind of attitude I may have had a couple of years back (historically, I’ve not really felt like the marrying type), but no, it seems that we’ve done much more than that.
There is a strong feeling that this is the start of something new and wonderful. The birth of a family. Our family. Joseph and *Twinkle* Tame (I do a double take every time she emails me from Tokyo using her updated email account). Mr and Mrs Tame – and baby on the way in a couple of years (but already very present in spirit).
We Are Family.
The feeling of family is strong. We laughed and played with it during the 40 hours that we had together after we had made our vows, and before *Twinkle* boarded her flight for Japan.
*Twinkle* Tame I called her. She referred to me as My Husband. We quoted lines from the wedding service to one another, grinning wildly whilst doing so.
The gift of marriage brings husband and wife together
in the delight and tenderness of sexual union
and joyful commitment to the end of their lives.
It is given as the foundation of family life
in which children are born and nurtured
and in which each member of the family,in good times and in bad,
may find strength, companionship and comfort,
and grow to maturity in love…
… *Twinkle*, I give you this ring
as a sign of our marriage.
With my body I honour you,
all that I am I give to you,
and all that I have I share with you…
I felt very happy that I had reached a point where I could make this kind of declaration, surrounded by friends and family, knowing that it was a vocalisation of the true feelings that I had for *Twinkle*.
And you know, it felt important that it was before a large group of loving friends and family. That really struck me – the presence of so many loved ones really did make a difference (of course ideally I would have streamed it live to the world, but the Church of St John the Baptist is yet to be broadband enabled).
I feel that the communal support for us, represented by the presence of those people, and by the cards, gifts, messages and posts on our Facebook walls that we received from all over the world, really added to the sense of us being blessed as a partnership. People were putting their faith in us as a couple – and that mattered a lot. It’s like cement in our relationship.
We became a ‘unit’. If I try and picture the result of the transformation, I keep on getting this image of the dry-stone wall sheep pen I slept in on the island of Crete, in Greece, in 1995.
(marriage = a sheep pen? Hmm, worrying..)
No, but I see this protective circular stone wall that is formed by *Twinkle* and I. We are interlocking pieces, providing one another with support. Able to look inward to our private enclosed space for comfort, love, advice, support and shelter (whilst I can’t see it in my visulisation, there’s probably a wifi-enabled Macbook on a little stone table in the middle of this sheep pen). This is our family unit. In our unity we give one another support in the face of the wind and rain that comes to the island now and then.
There’s a door too, and we love to welcome people into our space. We love to share the shelter (and probably wifi) of our new family with others. Together, we are a source of support for other back packers traipsing around the greek island, and hopefully an inspiration too.
May the hospitality of their home
bring refreshment and joy to all around them;
may their love overflow to neighbours in need
and embrace those in distress.
We also have much learn from our visitors, much to be inspired by.
I’m deeply touched by the investment that *Twinkle* has made in me. I know that I am the recipient of something wonderful and rare, something to be truly cherished. It’s been there for a long time, and I think was the solid rock that gave us something to hold onto when times were tough over the past 11 months (minus 10 days) apart – a rock that really came to shine through the ceremony.
Over the next few days I’ll write more about what actually happened last Friday, and share more photos.
For now though, I’ll leave it here. Any more talk of sheep pens and I may find myself with rather a lot of explaining to do over Skype…