everywhere... At the age of twelve I began writing a diary, to
record the devasting tales of unrequited love that seemed to fill
it's been hard to stop (although thankfully the unrequited love
has, it is now mere ink on old pages), and with the exception
of a two year break when I was busy mopping up after the washing
machine, I have pretty much written it on a daily basis.
I am now writing
the 50th edition. I think the main reason for my dedication is
that my diary has come to be a good friend that listens to all
I have to say, and doesn't answer back no matter what words I
record within its pages.
a few more words here, and the collection below will continue
to grow as I struggle on through the sheer adversity and pain
of life... !
wanted to travel, ever since I was a wee nipper. Unfortunately
it wasn't until I'd reached the grand old age of sixteen that
I took my first step by myself, and embarked upon a hitch-hiking
tour of Ireland.
difficulties involved (almost being abducted by two dirty old
men, completely running out of food and money, finding a bloated
dead cow on the beach) I had a fantastic time, with the exception
of that hot Easter Sunday when no-one passing through Kilkenny
would give me a ride (never in my life have I wished so hard for
then (with the exception of a slight glitch in 1998 when I bought
a house in order to learn about leaking washing machines) I've
either been living abroad or working in the UK saving for my next
ticket of escape. In that time, I've had a few adventures, some
of which you will find recorded below.
As with everything
around here, it is work-in-progress, and so the collection will
continue to grow.
In the summer of 2007 I embarked upon my longest adventure to date - 9000 miles halfway around the workd in 28 days.
Rather than take the train from Tokyo to London, I opted to go by train, ferry, bus, bike, car, horse, bicycle and on foot.
To read all about how I (a vegetarian) ended up gnawing on goat bones 9 hours from the nearest city in the Mongolian outback, and much more, visit www.9000miles.info.
note that most of my Japanese tales can be found in The Daily
Mumble Archives, click
here for more info.
Volcano Night Climb ...What
does one do having reached the top of a volcano? Walk around the
crator I guess - so that's just what did. It was pretty treacherous
going. The rim was very narrow in places, with a drop on either
side that could easily be classed as lethal... (An extract from
The Daily Mumble Archives)
table started crawling, the TV stayed still whilst the trolley
that it stands on wheeled back and forth across the moving floor.
Kae laughed at my reaction as I could hardly believe what I saw...
Sentos and Onsens: A User's Guide ...It's
been well over a year now since my first trip to a sento, but
I can still recall the traumatic experience. At the time I was
completely ignorant of the few simple but vitally important rules
that one should obey when within the walls of these steamy places...
all Feminists! ..it
seems Japan is somewhat behind many other westernised countries
when it comes to political correctness. Whilst studying today
I discovered the literal meanings behind the Japanese words for
"husband" and "wife"...
lacy school uniforms were also quite common, and naturally there
was the token camera crew and amateur pop group fighting the background
drone of traffic...
Crickets anyone? ...the
crabs, although small, still looked vicious, and I really wasn't
sure whether my teeth were strong enough to grind their pincers
sufficiently so that I could swallow them. No problems on that
score though, it turned out that they were just like Pringles.
The crickets, with their pin sized legs sticking out were even
more off putting...
extract from my online diary>
becomes an Office Worker ...my
black suit is heavy on my shoulders and my tie is wringing the
very life force out of me as the stiff collar of my shirt bites
into my aching neck... ...I am beginning to feel that I AM Mr
Sato who has "a wife and a daughter and a son and is 45 years
old and likes to go scuba diving ..."
extract from my online diary>
highlights for me included the 8.8m tapeworm that one poor man
had the misfortune to play host to, and a lovely photo of a man
who had an infection in his...
Slippers ...will you be requiring the extension
typical performance begins at 11am, and runs right through until
approximately 7pm. A prime seat for the entire performance will
set you back about £90 ($130), although we managed to get
tickets for back-row standing spots - a bargain at £5...
attention then turned to the 10-button remote control nestled
in its cradle on the wall above the loo roll. Although of course
I'd spent many hours with my eyes upon it, I had never had the
opportunity to experience the delights behind the buttons...
at Milky House, Summer 2002 ...putting up fences
around tennis courts, acting as secretary for foreign guests,
chain-sawing, erecting a big canopy on the veranda, shovelling
snow, avoiding the phone when it rings, accidentally driving over
big stones with the ride-on mower, cutting telephone lines with
a bush cutter, operating the mini-digger (no accidents as yet,
Japan 2000, a lengthy tale
28th I flew from Zurich, Switzerland, to Sapporo, Japan. The flight,
via Amsterdam was ten-and-a-half hours too long, and by the time
we'd landed my backside was completely numb. Having regained the
use of my legs, I staggered down to the railway station, only
to find that I was unable to buy a ticket as I couldn't make head
nor tail of the characters used to list the place names...
Hut Camp Fest 2001 ...was billed to be the biggest
all-night open music festival to be held in Switzerland in the
summer of 2001. It was organised and hosted by Mr. D Hill and
yours truly, and in the end seven people showed up. Well, it was
the first year for an event of its kind to be held at over 2,100
metres, so a low turnout was expected...
Swiss trains and fracturing bones ...after we'd
been biking for a couple of months, we were going at increasingly
crazy speeds as we then knew the twists and turns on the way down.
Up until that point neither of us had had bad accidents. I mean,
of course there had been minor mishaps like the time when Dan
went straight over the handlebars...
Rich Quick Scheme #294: Another great failure ...that
evening in the staff room everyone was informed of the amazing
deal on offer from room 415 - a cool beer for only 50 pence! It
was less than half the price of any other beer in Scheidegg, and
would give me a 150% profit...
Rich Quick Scheme #435: Another great failure
more he talked the more I heard the ring of profit. The normal
retail price according to his brochure was over £1,800, and he
was offering them to me for a third of that. I mean, if I sold
them on for £1,200 that would be a 100% profit!...
been granted two days off work this week, Dan and I decided to
take off south in search of sanity and relaxation. Yearning for
freedom, we hired a car from Bruno, a local taxi driver, and took
the highway towards the Italian region of Switzerland. For the
first few kilometres I struggled to remember how to drive, frequently
riding the kerb and attempting to change gear with the door handle
on my left...
<An extract from my online diary>
to spend £1,800 in Istanbul ...as soon as
we'd settled, exotic fruits, beer, champagne and sticks of carrot
were brought to the table. Thinking no more of it I began to indulge,
perhaps this was a courtesy snack. "Little do they know that they'll
get nothing out of me" .or so I thought...
by Freight Train ...sensing that he was not "one
of them" I told him how I'd ended up there, to which he replied,
We've got to get you out of here or you'll be arrested! They think
you're here for an interview like the rest of us!
on the roof of Hereford Cathedral tower ...I'm
sure that other teenagers have also scaled it's lofty heights,
although I'd be surprised to hear of a similar party taking place.
I did actually attempt it once again a few weeks later with my
two best friends. Unfortunately we were caught by the police just
after we'd begun our climb and, as a result, we ended up having
to spend that night camping downwind of a sewage treatment plant...
trip around Europe, a lengthy tale...I
came careering down the piste at speed and skied slap-bang into
some chap who stopped right in front of me. At the time I wasn't
aware that I'd broken my left collarbone... ...following
two weeks of immense boredom I was on the verge of insanity, and
so when on a trip to my local village I found myself returning
to my hotel not only with the bag of apples I'd set out to buy,
but also with an Interail ticket, entitling me to free carriage
on virtually any train in Europe for a month...
2001, a lengthy tale ...I was longing to get on
the road again, and so within a month I had left my job, my girlfriend,
my friends and family, and exchanged it for an organic Wwoof
farm in the valleys of central Switzerland.
1996, a lengthy tale ...It was now 7pm. I was exhausted
following the ten-hour hitch and getting a bit desperate as car
after car passed me, despite the placard I held which read 'FRANCE:
£10?' Just as the streetlights began to buzz a van screeched to
a halt a couple of hundred metres down the road, I grabbed my
impossibly heavy rucksack and lurched after them. "Ten Quid?"
he asked, before opening the door of their small van. I was to
share the back with several crates of beer that they'd just bought
in the duty free...
and other stuff
this section is currently under construction and
therefore lacking in material!
about buying a house? Read this first! ...the washing
machine flooded the spare bedroom on Friday, causing the ceiling
to fall off in the lounge below. I tried to convince Ruth that
it was a fault with the machine, but when the chap came round
to fix it he laughed, telling her that I hadn't attached the hose
Tale Of Ruth & Joe's Camping Trip ...they soon
reached the small town of Ashburton, and using Joe's unique sense
of navigation they proceeded to walk in the opposite direction
to that in which their campsite lay. At this point it hadn't
started to rain...
day my passport went missing ...After three months,
departure time was looming, and so I began to get my stuff together.
I was horrified to find that my passport was missing - I hadn't
used it since my arrival. I'd been searching for several days
and phoned the British Embassy for advice a couple of times when...
there was one other incident: when I was about eleven years old,
a load of schoolmates were about to throw me in the nettles .
I bit one of them on the finger so hard that he screamed and they
all dropped me...
Diary: It's not all laughter
...I remember drifting around a jungle at Disneyland in
an old boat with the funniest guide driving our little steamer.
There were animals all over the place, incredible reproductions
of elephants and the like. It was such fun. I laughed so much,
and I didn't even understand a word she said...
<an extract from my personal diary>
my blessing in disguise
...I was 16 years old when I was first diagnosed
as having epilepsy. For a couple of months I'd been experiencing
"dizzy spells" several times a week, during which I felt as if
someone had muffled my senses. My vision became blurred, my balance
went wobbly, and I was unable to say anything that could be understood.
Rat Race ...You may be miserable today, but happiness
IS just around the corner! Earn more money, that's what you need
to do. After all, money = happiness! Sacrifices are neccessary
- sure you may be bored stiff in your job or even hate it to death,
but don't forget that for every moment you are sitting behind
that desk you are earning more money. It doesn't matter if you're
miserable today, because tomorrow immeasurable happiness will
be on your doorstep...
old online diaries four pages dating from 2001
when I first started to keep an online diary.