Arr jimlad shiver me timbers and call me a pickled gherkin.

Yes, well, indeed. Today has been most satisfying, as I finished transforming this

into this

Ok, so it may just look like a patch of earth to you, but no, the truth is it is far more than that. For this is my deep bed, lying where but three days ago a whole manner of pollution sat doggedly hugging the ground. In this 10 inch wonder lies hundreds of kilos of 100% organic leaf mould, chicken poo, compost, soil and a yoghurt pot (until I picked it out). To the left of the bed is a row of gooseberry and blackcurrant bushes that have been craving a new home since I dug them up two years ago when first clearing the Welsh Garden Project of its reputation of being Bramble Heaven.

All very satisfying, I can tell you. And once again, a gloriously sunny spring day, with happy birdies singing (you can tell by the way they smile) and herds of elephant charging across the Welsh plains on their way to a watering whole. Well, not quite, but you get the picture.