I was just looking at this map, which shows the geographical location of all Lego men who have had a haircut in the last 10 hours, and I was astonished by the amount of ice on planet Earth.

I mean, just alook at that vaste swathe of unflavoured slush-puppy in the south (Arctic or Antarctic? I can never remember. Which one do the penguins live on?), it’s HUGE!

No wonder the sea is so bloomin’ freezing.

Location of lego men who have had haircuts in last 10 hoursIn other news, last night I saw Big Ben crash to the ground, remarkably no-one was killed. It had been undergoing repair in a very big workshop, and had just been hoisted back into position between the towers of Notre Dame, Paris (of course). It had been stuck down with superglue, but unfortunately, before the glue had a chance to bond properly a gust of wind caught the clock tower, pushing it over its balacing point and sending it crashing to the ground, where it narrorly missed a line of tourists queuing to gain entry to the cathedral.

I have skillfully re-created the scene below so you too may feel the true gravity of the situation.