This notice, which I spied in the window of a Chinese restaurant, begs a number of questions:

1) Why only children under 4′ 11″ (approx 150cm). What about short adults (what’s the politically correct term for short adults? Oh yes, ‘Japanese’). I mean, the stomachs of both Japanese (and other dwarfs’) stomachs must be pretty similar in size to those of children under 4’11”, so why the discrimination?

2) “At the manager’s discretion” (or should that be “discreCtion?”. Does this mean that the manager has a tape measure behind the counter with adjustable inches on? If he’s not in the mood for handing out free chop suey and banana fritters with a dollop of ice cream that has clearly been defrosted and refrozen, does he set it to “small inches”, thus increasing the height of his customers?

3) “We apologise for any inconvenience caused”. Inconvenince caused to who? The children/japanese/dwarfs/gnomes who aren’t under 150cm?

“Damn you Mr. Wong for making me so tall”! I swear I was under 4’11” two years ago” said the 8-year-old girl.